“Hi, is that Soft? Look – we need to talk. You and I are finished.”
I detest my soft, flabbiness. Guerrilla Training is so right for me – because I know that softness will one day be gone.
And yes, I know that setting fitness goals should not be based on body shame.
It’s just that I’m a work in progress.
Meanwhile I can grunt, pump, swear and generally bash my way out of the more passive aspects of femininity – and that’s just fine by me!
Well do I remember recoiling in self-disgust whenever a bloke I got off with remarked “You’re so soft!”
In Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew, Kate’s humiliation is complete when, having been “broken” by her husband, he then makes her tell her fellow women why they should be subordinate to men.
Her speech includes the following:
Why are our bodies soft, and weak, and smooth
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?
Of course, this Shrew will not be tamed – and thinking about the above all this helps as I’m wondering “Why in God’s name am I doing these repeated burpees if the last time I tried I nearly threw up?”
Now maybe thinking about Shakespeare when I’m working out is slightly weird – so let’s include that practical Bible of my youth – good old Cosmopolitan.
In a magazine so dedicated to empowering woman, I found it somewhat bemusing to chance upon an article written by a man who really didn’t mind the fact his girlfriend had plump thighs.
In fact I’m wondering if – after the article was published – he still had a girlfriend!
He luxuriated in the opulence of this poor individual’s cellulite – referring to her upper legs as “two teddy bears” he could snuggle up to in bed, and pondering over why woman’s thighs were not included as an enjoyable non-leafy snack.
So again – armed with my “no man’s going to enjoy my fat” mantra – I spring, jump, hop, star-jump – you name it – as vigorously as I can!
So now you’ve seen inside my mind as I’m working-out – and it’s not very pretty, is it?
All I will say in my defence is that my broken metatarsal – and subsequent ban from the exercise that suited me – did put me that bit nearer becoming the bingo-winged, large-breasted, soft-flabbed creature I dreaded becoming.
I’m looking forward to running my hands down my un-teddy-bear-like thighs and feeling the solid muscle.
And I can’t wait for upper arms that don’t wobble like jelly.
Soft – you and I are so over!
The change won’t happen overnight but it will happen – now the control’s returned.
Now it’s up to me to reclaim the fitness I deserve.